Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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