Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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