I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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