I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm at about main and main street
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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