me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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