Your face is a jimmy john
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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