gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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