While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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