she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
