I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
