He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
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i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
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seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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