I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
