i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
