oh god the rape fog is back!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
