he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
