I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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