im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
