Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
