Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
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I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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