Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
