i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
