you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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