i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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