i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
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Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
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I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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