my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Randomize
