I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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