So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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