So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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