before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
