i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
