Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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