I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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