then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
