Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
