Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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