i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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