I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
