You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
