Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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