dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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