Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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