Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
