dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
