Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
