you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Two words: nipple clamps
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