It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
