I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize