im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
