he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
