I hope mine doesn't look like that
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
