somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Randomize
