Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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