her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
