he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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