So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
