Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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