Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Randomize
