mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
