i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
