she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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