Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
