I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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