there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
