Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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