i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
