He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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