For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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