I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
