oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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