his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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